By Wendy C. Wilson

The Day I Sat in My Car and Sobbed

Years ago, I was working for a global company in an industry that suddenly collapsed. Revenues plummeted. Cash flow dried up. Every week seemed to bring a new emergency meeting about payroll.

Layoffs became the new normal. One round after another, week after week. We all knew the company was fighting for its life, and each Friday brought another list of names. For those still employed, anxiety became part of the air we breathed.

As part of leadership, I was in the group making the decisions. We reviewed spreadsheets, discussed headcounts, and talked strategy. But behind every “number” was a person, someone I knew, someone with a mortgage, someone with kids in college.

One afternoon, after yet another announcement, I headed to my car to run a quick errand. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I saw several colleagues walking across the lot carrying boxes. They were the ones cut that week.

I froze. Then I broke. I sat in my car and sobbed.

It was a moment of pure human grief, not for myself, but for what was happening to people I cared about and for what leadership had come to mean in that season.

When I gathered myself, I made a decision: I wouldn’t pretend this didn’t affect me.

At the next team meeting, I told my team what had happened. I told them I had sat in my car and cried. That it wasn’t easy for anyone, not for the people losing their jobs and not for those of us who had to make the decisions.

I told them the truth: “The company is in trouble. The ship is taking on water. But if we pull together, if we stay focused and honest, we can steady it. We’re nearing the end of this painful process. Reach out if you need help. We’re in this together.”

That conversation changed something. You could feel it in the room. Fear softened. Shoulders dropped. People looked up instead of down. For the first time in weeks, the team exhaled.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that day I learned one of the most important lessons in leadership: Vulnerability is not weakness, it’s strength in its most honest form.

Why Vulnerability Builds Real Resilience

For decades, traditional leadership culture celebrated control – stoicism, confidence, authority. Emotions were labeled “unprofessional.” Yet the most effective leaders today are proving the opposite: when we deny our humanity, we lose credibility.

Dr. Brené Brown’s research on leadership vulnerability found that “you can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability.” In other words, resilience isn’t about having an impenetrable shell, it’s about having the courage to be seen, even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed.

A 2024 Harvard Business Review study echoed that: teams that perceive their leaders as open about challenges and transparent in communication show 31 % higher trust and 26 % stronger engagement during crisis periods.

And Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace report (2023) added that when leaders display authentic empathy, employee stress decreases by 28 %. Vulnerability, handled with balance, doesn’t destabilize teams; it anchors them.

The Leadership Paradox

Here’s the paradox:

• We fear that showing emotion will make others lose confidence in us.
• But it’s our honesty that makes others believe in us.

Vulnerability, done wisely, is leadership credibility in motion. It tells people, “I’m human too, but I won’t quit on you.”

When leaders are transparent about reality while holding hope, they create psychological safety, a space where teams can process, recover, and act.

That’s what happened after my meeting. The moment I allowed myself to be real, the team allowed themselves to re-engage. Productivity rose. Conversations deepened. People checked on each other. Vulnerability built a bridge back to resilience.

5 Ways to Practice Healthy Vulnerability as a Leader

1. 1. Lead with honesty, not performance.
      You don’t need to have all the answers. Start with the truth;  people already sense it.

• Name the pain, then name the path forward.
  Acknowledge what’s hard, then point to what’s next. Honesty without direction breeds despair; direction without honesty breeds distrust.

1. Model emotional permission.
   By sharing your own human moment, you give others permission to feel and to heal.
2. Balance transparency with stability.
   Vulnerability should open connection, not create chaos. Share your reality after you’ve processed enough to speak from steadiness.
3. Use moments of truth to rebuild trust.
   People remember the leaders who told them the truth when it mattered most.

In the corporate world, vulnerability builds engagement and psychological safety. In advocacy and nonprofit environments, it builds belonging and hope.

Whether you’re leading a team through a market collapse or guiding staff through the emotional weight of serving survivors, the principle is the same: people need to know their leader feels it too.

Advocates who lead from authentic vulnerability normalize emotional honesty. Executives who do the same humanize their organizations. Both create environments where resilience isn’t a slogan, it’s lived experience.

The Moment That Defined My Leadership

Looking back, I sometimes wish we’d made different tactical decisions – cut once, then rebuilt. But I don’t regret that moment in the car or the conversation that followed.

That experience taught me something no textbook or leadership seminar ever could: leadership isn’t about always being composed; it’s about being authentically composed.

Strength is found in showing up fully; steady enough to guide, honest enough to connect.

Resilience and vulnerability aren’t opposites. They are partners in the same dance. One gives you the courage to keep standing; the other gives others the courage to stand with you.

When leaders choose to be real, not perform strength but embody it, they become more than decision-makers. They become trusted guides.

Because in the end, people don’t follow perfect leaders.
They follow human ones.

If this story resonated with you…

-> Read my book, Iron Will – a deeper dive into how leaders grow through adversity.
-> Subscribe to my blog (here) for weekly stories and strategies on resilient leadership.
-> Connect with me on LinkedIn for thought leadership insights and discussions.
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Let’s keep building a community of leaders who rise, rebuild, and lead with both courage and compassion.